Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
