my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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