she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
