Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
