she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
the liver wants what the liver wants
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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