I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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