I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
