4 words: hood of his car
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
