I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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