my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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