Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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