I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
