My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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