I want to make a zoo with you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
