'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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