she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize