My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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