So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
