it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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