I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
