If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
