omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
