bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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