glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
