I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
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if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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