I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
