FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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