I love black thongs
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
