I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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