then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
