we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
