Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
