sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
