I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
wow bdsm is so cute
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
