I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
