could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
