I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
