i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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