the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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