I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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