I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
