So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
