I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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