I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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