i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize