Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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