Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
