24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
