Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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