he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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