this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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