"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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