I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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