So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
