I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
