guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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